These young people married and then behaved themselves into a long marriage. Of all the things I researched, the two that made the most difference were the way the servicemember came to view his career and the way the spouse structured the homefront. No matter what brought the servicemember into the military, by the time they had been married 15 years, officers and enlisted in this study were committed to the military for the duration.
1. Don't forget the man inside the uniform.
Part of that commitment was due to retirement pay. Among those interviewed, the promise of a retirement income kept them deploying, moving and taking jobs with more responsibility. In part, this is due to career fit.
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The majority of service members in the survey indicated that they thought of their work as more than just a job. That kind of job satisfaction had an effect on the home, too. Identifying with the job and having a spouse who understood that was a central characteristic of these long-married military couples. The thing that surprised my thesis committee but did not surprise me at all was how these long-married military families were constructed around separation.
Military Divorce: What It's Like To Split From Your Military Spouse
Service members were training for a deployment, deploying or returning from deployment all the time. That profoundly affects family life. Because the service member was expected to be absent for long periods, the responsibility for the structure of family life was thrust on the spouse. She brought the service member into it. This was not because she was a woman or because her job was less important. The military spouse created the structure of the family because she was most consistently present.
What was interesting to me was the way the long-married military husbands had a respect for this structure or routine of family life. They counted on it as the bedrock of their family. We tell military spouses to keep everything as normal as possible during deployment. Another factor in the success of these long-married families was providing a way for the service member to get back into the family structure after a deployment.
Over and over, I heard how service members got back into their place through housework and childcare. Dads would come home from deployment and go back to driving kids to school or sports. They supervised bedtime routines. They did laundry the chore mentioned most often or vacuumed or cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. Although overall, the stats look pretty good, certain subgroups among our military are not doing quite as well.
For instance, when the spouse in the military is the woman, the numbers on divorce can look pretty bad. In fact, some studies show that the divorce rate for couples with a military woman are twice those of couples with a military man. However, this number seems to be getting better, for reasons no one quite understands.
Marriages that see longer deployments are also more likely to divorce, probably because the increased time apart eventually just becomes too much of a hardship. Finally, deployments where members see combat or weapon usage are also known to be associated with increased risk of divorce. This has been an increasing concern with deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. Some research does show an uptick in divorce among those who served in these conflicts. While being part of a military couple definitely has its challenges, these marriages and spouses unquestionably also have their strengths.
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It may help to know that there is no clear evidence that the divorce rate is higher for these marriages. Together, you and your spouse can unite to face the challenges of remaining close while continuing to serve your country. Are you in a military marriage? Marriage and Family —from Military Onesource. I hope he is a good man, not only because you deserve a good man, but because you have a son that you are bringing into the relationship.
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I've learned over the years that some people go crazy over a man in uniform. It represents power and prestige for many. They forget the man inside the uniform. They believe the uniform and rank equals character, but it doesn't. Because of this, women can leap too quickly into the relationship. As a result, they can ignore signs that should be grabbing their attention.
Dating divorced military man !
I would say this if you were 22 or Your age doesn't matter and his age doesn't matter. Just take your time. Naturally, you want to be in close proximity to your boyfriend, but the distance will be OK for now. If he is deploying soon, just stay where you are. You have set at least a two-year marker for marriage and that's great.
Use this time to get to know him and his character. You have time before you need to let your child get to know him. Women often involve their children too soon in a new relationship and, when it ends, it leaves their children confused and angry. Children see their mother's excitement, and they feed off her emotions quite naturally.