Extensive research into online dating statistics show that there are some set rules that we all need to follow. Netspeak is the main culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails. The words if you can call them that ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message. Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes.
Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use. Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner.
Exactly What To Say In A First Message – The OkCupid Blog
But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring.
So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy.
There’s more to it than you think
While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness. Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. But for the most part, to most women on dating websites, it comes off as corny, creepy and repetitive. It should be short, concise and have questions, so she can have the opportunity to respond. But believe it or not I actually re-read my messages many times, checking for spelling and grammatical errors.
Here are a few screen shots of a few of the last messages I sent out.
Also, I assume what I write actually matters. I assume that I should actually be TRYING to write a quality message because the content of the message is actually going to be read and weighed in the decision process of whether or not she will be responding back to me. Be honest, does it fucking matter?
I wonder how many good, lasting relationships started with a copy and pasted message he sent to 15 other women that same night. You were just a number in his numbers game, he just happened to be attractive.
Exactly What To Say In A First Message
It can be counter-productive ultimately. Easy Systems For https: Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.
We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes!
Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.
It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening.